


Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Shameless Wizardry

by Sanityslittlebitch



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bath Sex, Danger, Gallavich, Hogwarts, M/M, Quidditch, bareback, guy on guy sex, witchcraft and wizardry, wizard ian, wizard mickey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-10
Updated: 2014-03-10
Packaged: 2018-01-15 07:45:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1297006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanityslittlebitch/pseuds/Sanityslittlebitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mickey Milkovich is a badass kid from a badass pure-blooded family. Ian Gallagher is a nice, hard working guy from a dysfunctional but overall good family. The two wizarding families have a history of violence and hostility. Both taking different sides in the magical path. Which side will Ian and Mickey chose? And will they're twisted feelings for each other dictate the outcome of this wizarding family feud?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Shameless Wizardry

**Author's Note:**

> This is honestly my first time writing any type of fanfiction! so im sorry if it sucks. I'll probably keep adding chapters either way. Greatly appreciated if you like it :D First time shipping Gallavich too! I love them so much!!! Hope you enjoy!

Breakfast wasn’t a very big deal even now. You’d think my eleventh birthday would’ve had the house at least a little buzzed. Like even if you have a sniff of amortentia-buzzed. But no. The only type of buzz you get in this house is from when you kick around Iggy our elf, or when a raid on some muggle is about to go down.

My little asswipe sister Mandy, annoying as fuck, Milkovich remembered though. Terry didn’t give us any Gallions-ever- so a gift any day of the week was a fuckin’ pretty big deal. Mandy though, this 10 year old mandrake of a chick, remembered. Let alone being a Milkovich, this crazy ass elf remembered my birthday. I grabbed it from her with a half smile; I don’t give that much of a shit.  
It was a fucking chocolate frog. Fuck knows what little witch she stole that from. Even if she had and Gallions, there’s no way hell that our Thorntail-Dad would ever let his only witch into Diagon Alley at her age. At least, he would be like that… If he ever stopped eating dirigible plums to get high. Mom though. She would’ve given at least half a shit. I would miss her, but she was pretty fucked up in her own way; She was hooked on magic potions, and had an obsession with Pure-Bloodedness. It’s just too bad that she her ass carted off to Azkaban for using that Cruciatus curse on some stupid muggle. Serves her right I guess, if you’re gonna commit a crime-make sure the Ministry doesn’t ever find out.

“Happy Birthday assface” Mandy chimed, climbing to her usual seat at the ebony table. I looked around to see if that made any affect on my dickwad family. None.

 

*******

 

The rest of this shitty day went as shitty as possible. Fuck! I hate my life sometimes. But im a Milkovich. We deal with shit with our fists, wands and brooms. So, being a total badass I didn’t give a rat’s as. Dinner was fucking weird though; a dumb ass owl smashed straight into our damn window. Exactly as I was biting into my jell-o! Terry was furious. Before he could kill that flea bag, Iggy bolted out of the window to check the thing. He brought back a letter. A fancy ass letter with a big red stamp sealing it, addressed to me. No one ever sends a Milkovich mail, unless it’s a fine or a hearing. But I’ve only had one hearing… And it wasn’t sealed by a fancy school.

I’d taken it down the hall into my room to read it. I didn’t wanna risk Joey or Terry swiping it and burning it. If this is the last time I ever get mail, I want to read it on my own. Not have some assfaced jailbird ruin the damn thing for me.

Dear Mr Milkovich,

I am pleased to inform you, you have been accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You shall begin on the start of September. You shall require a wand, cloak, cauldron, quills and ink, and if so desires; either an owl, cat or a toad.  
We will be very pleased to meet you in the coming school year.

Yours, Professor McGonagle.

 

School…. Fuck. Since when was I on the waiting list for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and fucking Wizardry? Probably the last thing mom did right before buying herself a one way ticket from parenthood, all the way to Death Eater central.

“Hey! Terry!” I called out “What I fuck is this?” I went into the kitchen and handed him the letter. He scanned it once over pretty quickly. I honestly don’t remember seeing him read anything before. I wasn’t even sure he could read. “Fucking Minnie.” Terry grumbled. Mom.

“Mom did this?”  
“Bitch must’ve. Always talking on and on about how much “potential” you and Mandy have.”  
“But Im going right?”  
“I aint paying no jumped up, ass-digging, sorcerer to teach you magic you wont need or use, when the boys could teach you all you’ll ever need right here for free.”

Mother-Fucker! “Fuck you dad! I am going to this school.” I shot my dad a stare, which he pretty much shrugged off. I hate this cunt so much. All he ever does is kick our asses for no reason, shoot down any ideas we have on how to make money, and crush our dreams. Not me. Not anymore. Fuck Terry! If im gonna go to some school and have some ass-digger teach me crack pot magic tricks then to hell with him. He can suck my patronus if he thinks he has any rite to tell me, Mickey Milkovich, what to do. “It doesn’t cost a thing, master Terry” Iggy muttered. One toe out of line and dad would beat his ass good. “What?!” Terry yelled back at him. Iggy struggled to stutter out the information he knew about Hogwarts to my father. To just about every ones surprise Terry just about listened. Even went as far as to run the idea through his head.

“Fine”  
“What is?”  
“You’re going to school”  
“You fucking serious?!”  
“Your damn right im serious.”

Terry sat back down and begun to rummage through his pocket. What he did then was fucking weird. He tossed a heavy pouch of coins straight into my chest. “Go get your shit.” This day might not suck as much dick as I thought it might. A gift from Mands, school, Dad gave me, me! Money. Mom might not have done 99 percent of things right in her entire parenting life, but this might actually qualify as a good thing a Milkovich parent has done for their kids. Me. “Hey Mick, can I come with you to get your shit?” Mandy squeaked. For a tiny little girl psycho, she actually had had caring half down. And that’s hot-shit for a Milkovich.

 

*******  
Diagon Alley was shitty and packed like a Russian whore house as usual. The school rush I guess. Not that I’ve ever experienced it before. Mandy didn’t even cling to me like a fucking leech this time, she just gave everyone a “fuck with me and I’ll bite your throat out look”. I say anyone whose dumb enough to cross a Milkovich probably deserved to have their throats ripped open.

Everyone was so cheery and buddy-buddy. It was weird, man. Even Mands thought so. I might not be a talking type of person, but you’d have to be pretty fucking blind not to see the weirded out look on my sister’s face right now. Something seemed to cheer her up though. Someone. Lip Gallagher. “Yo, Mickey! Hey Mandy.” The fuckwad said “You out here looking for cheap shit and stuff to steal too?” Arrogant piece of shit. Not only does he have the nerve to talk to me in public, but to act as if I’d ever be desperate enough to be his friend. I simply grunted.

”Hi Lip.”  
“What’s up Mandy? Helping your brother rob the innocent people of Diagon Alley today?”  
“No. We’re shopping for Mickey’s school supplies”  
“Holy shit. A Milkovich-Mickey Milkovich- is going to Hogwarts?!”

He got another grunt. I wasn’t even paying attention really. Some kid was with Lip, fire red hair is kinda hard to not get distracted by ya know? “Well I guess I’ll see you there huh?” Lip really was trying to piss me off today. The only reason we know each other is because we were in a Peewee Quidditch team together about 4 years ago. A team I got kicked of off a month into the program for taking a piss on the hoops.  
But this little freckled; fire elf kept glancing back to me from Lip. “Oh, yeah. This is my little brother Ian. Ian say ‘hi’” So that’s who the little imp was. Ian. Ian Gallagher. Mandy seemed to like him I guess? What, they must be at least 10. That makes them the same age. Just a year until he joins Hogwarts. And Mandy too.

“Well, we should get going. It was nice to see you Mandy… Mickey”  
“Bye Lip! Bye Ian”  
“Bye Mandy, nice to meet you. You too Mickey!” Ian churpped.

God that kid was distracting. His seemingly optimistic smile, Flaming red hair, Freckles. Glad I don’t have to live with that, just this piece of shit to my right. A piece of shit I let off way to easily.

 

Really the day went by fast. I brought some books, a cauldron, stole some quills and ink and I was all set! “Mickey you still need a wand” Mandy reminded me whilst we were half way done with the candy store. It was late, all the kids have gone home-late. “Shit!” I moaned. “Wait here for me. And don’t go fucking anywhere!” With that I dropped my horde of school stuff and bolted through the store and out into the alley.

It wasn’t long until I found Olivander’s- The Wand Makers. I rushed in like a tsunami on a tropical beach. “Merlin’s beard boy! You almost frightened the life out of me!” The old man behind the counter said. “Yeah. Whatever. You Olivander?” I asked impatiently.

“Yes? And who might you be?”  
“Mickey. Mickey Milkovich”

His face dropped from a shocked expression to one of “oh great, that’s all I need. A Milkovich!”

“I remember giving your father his first wand.”  
“My dad? He went to school”  
“As I recall, only for a year before he faced permanent expulsion.”  
“Oh…”  
“Well lets find you your wand shall we?”  
“Whatever”

Great, another optimist.  
He took his sweet time finding wands. Each one “Unsuited” to me. One after another, they declined me. What was it about me that wands just didn’t like? I was about to give up and go home until he whispered something pretty unnerving “Maybe… this one” I looked up and he was gently fidgeting the long wooden box out of its dusty resting place. He literally jumped from his ladder and walked slowly, cautiously up to the counter where I was waiting for him. He handed the box to me with suspicion. I opened the box and in it, asleep was a slender black spiralled wand, with a firm handle. I carefully picked the wand out of its casket. I’d pretty much got the idea of what I was supposed to do now. “Give it a wave” I did, and it was like the building hadn’t been there at all and we were standing outside on a windy day. But we weren’t. We were inside this old, dusty run down store. And I made the breeze. “It appears, Mr Milkovich, That you have found your wand.” I raised the wand to the falling sunlight to get a better inspection. Blackthorn-Dragonheartstring. And it was mine. Olivander let me leave then. With a wand of my very own, I guess I was sorta a wizard right?

 

*******

 

Nobody came to see me off at the train. Mandy wanted to, but I didn’t want to come across as some pussy.  
I put my bags and luggage, the lack of it seemed to surprise some dweebs. I even found a cabin right at the back all to myself. Anyone who tried to enter simply got a trademark Milkovich stare. Pussies.  
My luck obviously was running out now though. Lip The kid genius somehow found my cabin with some blond bitch and his older sister and thought it was okay to sit with me. Where’d they get that fucking big idea from? Fiona, I think, tried to make conversation a couple of times. The blond bitch, Karen, looked at me weird several times. I shot her looks of my own too.  
Maybe, I was starting to think Terry had a point about school. But fuck him! Im no faggy woos. Im Mickey Milkovich and im gonna tough this shit out.

 

******

 

That sorting hat was fucking creepy. Like, creepy as in one of my dads tripping on potions moments-creepy. Kids were getting called up by some old crone one by one to have their nit infested heads seat a talking hat. It even talked about you. Shit. This’ll be fun Ah Mickey, what a nice shade of dirt you have! S’giving me the shits. It was calling that Karen bitch up next… Karen Jackson. He put her in Slytherin. Almost before it landed on his head. A couple more kids got lucky-dipped but I stopped paying attention. Until the crone said “Gallagher”. Lip. He practically strutted up there like he owned the damn thing. This was a good show though, the hat was having trouble placing him. Something about smarts and intelligence, but also fiercely dependable and loyal. In the end, Ravenclaw was graced with it’s newest member. I’d made up my mind now, anywhere but fucking Ravenclaw. The bitch said something. Then read out “Mickey Milkovich!” That was me. Holy fuck! Everyone was looking at me. Fuck this shit. I just went for it, pushed past all these dorks and sat right up on that chair like it was my throne and Hogwarts was my mother-fucking castle.  
“Oh, well… A Milkovich… It’s been a long while I’ve sat on one of your shoulders I’ll tell you. Definitely not the same though. Something loyal, and brave but oh so scared to show it’s true face. Your father didn’t have that, oh no! All gusto! Haha… But! We mustn’t dwell on the past now shall we. No no…” The hat finally shut up then. It was weirder on me than anyone else in my opinion. It spoke again “Slytherin!” A whole table the entire room across cheered for me! I’ll be glad when this day is fucking over. I got off of the stool and gave the hat a secret glare, then strode over to my new house and took a seat. Im in Slytherin. Im gonna own this bitch.

**Author's Note:**

> so how was it? Let me know! not sure how it works but let me know anyway! :) Follow me on tumblr- Sanityslittlebitch


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